You're Honk Raving Mad! Or, A Guide to Cluwne

[Fiksowanie]

Let's face it. Being a clown is the easiest hardest and most complicated role on the station. Sometimes you have to just run around and honk, other times you take the job of Captain as the second in command, above the HoP.
To aid some of you n00bs out there, I've assembled this handy-dandy forum post by hand (so send me money, I don't bite. Except on weekdays.)

For simplicity, I've broken this up into several sections:
1. The Golden Age of Humor: A Backstory (because you role-play without a Roll role)
2. Clown Stalin and You: How to Pick the Perfect Name
3. Honking: Your Job
4. Clown-Shoeing the Line: How to Avoid Getting Banned

1. The Backstory:

Librarian Andy Senpai asks: "Isn't this interesting?"

Founded in the late 1400's by a weary group of old, drunken jesters in the back alley behind the King's Court who had grown tired of the bland, repetitive, and outright unfunny jokes favored by the entitled Patriarchy, the Clownicate is a highly disorganized (no, seriously, we got our shit together) community of clowns and mimes who set out to provide Nanotrasen's highly underentertained crew with tireless pranks, jokes, and gags, thereby eliminating jobs for the black-and-white-wearing scum.
You were beamed in to Space Station 13 from ClownComm, who in aid of your objectives, developed an omniscient being with an infinite library of jokes known colloquially as the Honkmother (praise be to her name). Your mission aboard the station is to slip, joke, and rob your way to that much-sought-after Captain's Spare ID and a jobban.
Occasionally, however, the Clownicate will take jobs from the Syndicate factions, and you may be required to assassinate targets or steal certain items while honking innocently.

2. Choosing a Name:*

Clown Commander says: "Alright, listen up maggot, this is some important honking shit!"

First impressions are everything, so it's important to choose a proper clown name. To aid you in this vital process, I have generated this simple checklist:
1. Would it get you banned from Goonstation?

If you suck utterly, you're in luck because I also have some generic names for you to choose from:
- Clown Captain
- Clown AI
- Clown Pennywise
- Clown Nazi
- Clown Jew
- Clown Traitor
- Clown Admin
- Clown Rodrigo
(hint: the last one is best)

Now that you have the perfect name, it's time to spread the fun chaos.

*Note that because FacePunch code adds your occupation to your name, the name "Clown Noob" in the namebox will result in getting the name "Clown Clown Noob." You have been warned.

3. Your Job:

Captain Self-Entitled Reject exclaims: "If you do any of these things I swear to Honkmother I will lynch you myself!"

As the second-in-command, your primary duties as the Head of Service (more commonly referred to as the HoS) include keeping that trigger-happy bartender in line, preventing the Chef from gibbing any guilty crewmen (and Mr. Jennings), and jailing the Mime in the theater with that welder you only had to slip an assistant to get (the mime wears white and black clothing to point out that he does indeed belong in jail).
If When the Captain dies, you must take over (just because the HoP has more access doesn't mean he's second-in command, this is a major mistake rookies make and if he refuses to give you access, adminhelp it). This is especially important during Syndicate Nuke Ops, where the heads are primary targets, and you, as a member of the Clownicate (true predecessor to the Syndicate), are rarely suspected -- because of this, you are also expected to carry the nuke disk.
Your number one fear is Security. They will arrest you for any and everything you do. Your best bet is to either outgun them or have one of the lesser heads convince them that you are indeed the Captain's right-hand bananaman and that you do indeed have completely illegitimate legitimate access.

Sage Clown ableknight64 says: "Or you can claim security as wizardtatorxeno bastards for arresting you for breaking into lawfully trespassing into the captains office to get your spare ID that the captain borrowed and forgot to return."

Thanks to Sage Clown ableknight64 for the suggestion.

4. Toeing the Line

Mime Scooterkid74 says acts out: "dont kil me or ill ban u!!1one!1"

Being a successful clown is a careful balance between too little fun and grief too much fun. If you aren't funny, expect to be lynched. If you are too funny, expect to be jobbanned. Remember, you are bound to the same laws as everyone else, even as a Clownicate antag.

[AbleRip]

Lightened my day, but you forgot about the part of claiming security as wizardtatorxeno bastards for arresting you for breaking lawful trespassing into the captains office to get your spare ID that the captain burrowed and forgot to return

[Fiksowanie]

A fatal flaw indeed. The blatant absurdity has since been mitigated to a minor disaster on my part.

A tip of the bike horn to you, my wise Clown friend. Honk.

[Name Changing Autist]

You are obviously a Mime in disguise as you have left out the important job of taking over Botany and mass-producing banana and banana-related accessories for official clown business.

[Fiksowanie]

The Clown is the Head of Service, and therefore commands other people to do his bidding.
While the botanist is only somewhat under the jurisdiction of the clown, I would never do the work myself.

Besides, botanists are well-known for their connection to the weed operation secretly run by the Sec department.

[Name Changing Autist]

Sounds like Mime excuses to me, not working or aiding the botanists. I bet you don't even use the bikehorn.

[Fiksowanie]

Not when I have a HONK mech, no.
Also, my brand honking new bananagun has the same sound effect upon firing. The bike horn is vastly outdated.

[AbleRip]

Wait i thought the clown was head of shitcurity? No wonder sec beat me to death every time i order them to hand out stun batons to the greysuits.

[kirbyroth]

honk mech seems to have giant bulls eye / sign that says destroy me. I finally had made one and barely got to used as some bitch deiced to attack it first chance they got. They went dead set to wreak it as soon they saw it being made and went put on ear muffs to avoid the HONKKKK.

[Name Changing Autist]

Feb 11, 2014 0:20:50 GMT -5 Fiksowanie said:

The bike horn is vastly outdated.

Disgusting.

[Fiksowanie]

Feb 11, 2014 1:23:21 GMT -5 AbleRip said:

Wait i thought the clown was head of shitcurity?

No, that'd be the other, less esteemed, HoS.

[Marde]

Mime Scooterkid74 gives you an endangered bird

[AbleRip]

Feb 11, 2014 13:22:21 GMT -5 Marde said:

Mime Scooterkid74 gives you an endangered bird

Get out of here mime manly Clowns are talking.

[derpthestewpidgoat]

*Shoots bike horn with laser gun, obliterating it into nothingness*

[Fiksowanie]

Feb 11, 2014 23:01:26 GMT -5 derpthestewpidgoat said:

*Shoots bike horn with laser gun, obliterating it into nothingness*

H.O.N.K raises the HoNkER BlAsT 5000
HONK